How God Gave Us Tru

 

I think it's fun to see just how much I've changed over the years, simply through the writing of these birth stories. If you like birth stories and you have plenty of time on your hands, here are Brinkley's, Milo's, and Jentzen's.

But Tru baby, this is your story!

You are almost a year old now, and as sweet and happy as can be, but I'll never forget your birth, it's one of my favorite nights of all time!

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Shortly after we had Jentzen, maybe a couple of months, a desire to have a fourth child began to stir up in my heart. I couldn’t tell anybody that of course because they would think that I was crazy (I thought I was a little crazy too), but the desire remained. Jentzen really redeemed the entire process of childbirth (not pregnancy) and having a newborn for me, and I saw what a blessing more kids could be, a total 180 from after I had Milo. I made the mistake of telling my husband this though, and after picking his jaw up off the floor, he proceeded to tell me all of the reasons why having a fourth would not be a good idea (understandably so, we had a two month old). So we tabled the conversation and said we’d revisit it the next year. I didn’t want to have another baby right away, I just wanted him to know that eventually I did. The seed was planted!

I think part of the reason I was even entertaining the idea was because somehow the transition from 2 to 3 kids was way easier than 1 to 2. Brinkley and Milo occupied each other (sometimes) so that I could focus on Jentzen. It also helped that we had since fenced in the backyard, and had been gifted a trampoline from the in-laws, so sending them outside without me needing to be out there with them was a HUGE help! Brinkley had also started Kindergarten that August, and Milo was in daycare at church, so most of my maternity leave was spent taking care of just Jentzen during work hours. It was a special bonding time that I missed out on with Milo because I was all wrapped up in trying to manage Brinkley by myself. I had also learned a thing or two in the years since, and that always helps. 

(Summer photo session with the incredible Alexa)

Later the next year when Jentzen was almost 1, Chris and I were blessed with the opportunity to get away just the two of us for 5 days to Savannah, GA and Huntsville, AL, and it was the first time we’d ever left Jentzen overnight. Once we settled in, we got the chance to talk about the idea of a fourth child. We were walking on the beach and I laid out to him all of the reasons why having a fourth child WOULD be a good idea! Some more serious than others, but all valid! I told him to just be thinking about it, praying about it, and listening to God and seeing where he felt like He was leading him. He agreed and we tabled the subject again and went on to have a fabulous trip!

(On the riverboat cruise in Savannah, GA)

A month or so later, we were having a stayte night (a date night at home after the kids are in bed!), and CHRIS actually brought up the conversation this time about having a fourth. He acknowledged that his reasons for not wanting to were mostly temporal and wouldn’t matter down the road, but he said he was still worried. In that moment, the song “I’ll Give Thanks” by Housefires was playing, and I turned it up for us to listen to while we sat there together. The lyrics sang out, “Why do I worry, why do I worry, why do I worry? God knows what I need!” Next thing I knew, Chris was praying out loud and handing it over to God. He then told me if we were going to do this, it was “now or never,” as in he wanted to stop preventing pregnancy from that point forward, instead of waiting any longer. That part surprised me because I wasn’t picturing myself ready quite yet, and ideally wanted to wait up to another year, but he was concerned about how old he was/how old he felt, and how much energy he would have for another newborn, so the sooner the better more or less. With the option of now or never, I chose now! And lo and behold, the next month (August 2020) I was holding a positive pregnancy test in my hand (which shocked both of us!). It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how or when it comes about, holding a positive pregnancy test in your hand is always so surreal. 

We were actually on a lunch break from work at home when I took the test. We wanted to be alone and without the other kiddos around. I still can't believe how we went back to work right after like nothing had happened, because on the inside, I knew we were both jumping up and down!

(Our pregnancy announcement)

One of the reasons neither of us wanted to venture down the road of having another baby was because of how hard my pregnancies are. If I had "easy" pregnancies (like some blessed women out there), and a bigger number in our bank account, we'd honestly probably have seven kids. But it's just SO hard on my body. This time we had some time to prepare for that (unlike with Jentzen), and my boss was SO generous to let me work from home during the first couple of months of the never ending misery that is my first (and most of my second) trimester. 

The pregnancy was crap. Like usual. But Chris was a champ, like usual! Months of laying in the bed throwing up all day and night. Pure exhaustion and constant nausea. Chris did such an incredible job of taking care of all three kids morning and night while I pretty much just laid in the bed and threw up for weeks on end. It wears him out as much as me. I am a blessed woman to have that man! My Aunt (who lives two minutes from us), also blessed us time after time by coming over to do laundry and dishes (things I would usually do if I wasn't feeling so poorly). She is an angel! Every little bit of help helps when I'm feeling that poorly. Our house is always in ruins when I'm pregnant so anytime anybody can help with housework, I'll take it!! And she loves on our kids so well. Bless her! I love her!

Near the end of the pregnancy I also got a bad case of SPD and just walking was difficult, let alone doing anything else. At the end of Jentzen's pregnancy I was leading a dance small group and jumping up and down to Bollywood music, but with this one I was having trouble standing. This pregnancy was by far the hardest on my body, and I’m not sure if it was because of my age (33), because it was my fourth, because he was another BIG baby, because I had him and Jentzen practically back-to-back, or a combination of those things, but it was taking me out. 

What was different about this one though was I was finally getting to do a homebirth. This had been a dream of mine since becoming a doula after I had Brinkley, but due to financial reasons, I hadn’t been able to thus far. Our insurance had changed over the years though, and now it was only going to cost us a few hundred dollars more to do it at home than to do it at the birth center like the previous two, and with all of the Covid restrictions in place everywhere, there was no better time than to do it at home! (We do love Natural Beginnings Birth Center though, it's like a second home to me!) By November we had chosen our midwife and I started having appointments soon after (at the house). We also found out that we were having another BOY! That one honestly shocked us, we BOTH were convinced it was a girl, and so was everybody else, except Milo, who was proud to be the only one who’d guessed correctly in the ultrasound room that day. We had let both "big" kids come with us for the big reveal (in hindsight, that was a mistake on my end because I got emotional after but had to hold it together for them).

The great name hunt began (we’ve had our girl name picked out since before Milo existed but boys names have always been trickier for us), and before long, we had settled on Tru. It’s a name I had been fond of in the past, but it just felt right this time. I actually had read a book a few years before where Tru was the main character’s name, and I really liked it. Solomon was one that Chris had suggested for a middle name, and the more time passed, the more I liked it! Tru quite obviously means truth! Standing on truth has become more important than ever in the times we’re living in, and we wanted him to represent THE truth! Jesus! Solomon means King of Peace, and who couldn’t use more peace in these times? Also, some of our favorite books in the bible were written by King Solomon himself. Tru Solomon, we are fans!!

(The day his name sign arrived in the mail)

As the end of the pregnancy drew near, I was eager, of course. But this time I had also become fearful, which really surprised me considering how well Jentzen's labor had gone. For some reason, as each morning would approach, I was ready for labor and ready to meet my boy (and READY to not be pregnant), but as evening came, I would feel the opposite. I didn’t want to go into labor at night, fearing I wouldn’t have the strength or energy to get through it. It honestly felt like spiritual attack. This pregnancy had brought on a vast amount of emotions that I had never experienced before, despite it being my fourth one. It honestly had a lot to do with the state of our city, county, state, country and world. I had been having anxiety like never before, and mixing that with pregnancy hormones, I was not in good shape. Again, I’m not sure why, but I was fearing the pain of labor. I had given birth naturally twice before, I knew I could do it and I knew I would and I knew it's how I wanted to, but somehow each night that I would start having contractions, I would tremble with fear, grab my heating pad and wish them away until I fell asleep. It was rather silly honestly, an emotional trap of the enemy who would have loved nothing more than to keep me in that fear. Looking back I just needed to slap myself across the face and remind myself that I am a child of GOD! And God's got this!

The day before he was due I was at my lowest point. So low in fact that I needed to take a personal day from work (thanks Chelsea for the green light there). Very few people knew about this, but I took it upon myself to drive to the beach that day. Just me, by myself, in my sweats. I drove there that morning, sat on the beach for a few hours, and drove back. It was just over a three hour drive each way, but it was worth my sanity. There's just something peaceful, calming, and relaxing about the beach, and that's what I needed in that moment. God becomes more alive to me, louder and closer when I am on the beach (without children around anyways), and I needed some time with Him, away from everything else. A sweet couple took my picture for me-it's the closest thing I got to a due date picture! (I had the least amount of "bump" pictures during this pregnancy, so it's one of few!).

(39 weeks and 6 days pregnant at Carolina Beach)

His due date (4/20) came and went with little to report. I had had my midwife check me and I had been 4cm for awhile, but with no change. His head was actually hanging in front of my cervix instead of on top of it (thank you extra stretched out uterus and extra giant baby head), so it wasn’t putting enough pressure on the cervix to get labor started quite yet. Chris’ birthday (4/25) came and went as well, although we were both kind of relieved he didn’t come that day-we both wanted Tru to have his own birthday! 

On Thursday, April 29th, I went to work as usual. I was now 41 weeks and 2 days along. I remember being in my office, sitting on and off the exercise ball like I had been for months, and feeling the Braxton hicks contractions I’d been having for weeks. By lunchtime though, they had changed. They were coming a little closer together and I could feel them deeper in my uterus. I told Chelsea that I would feel better if I could work from home that afternoon, that way if things picked up I’d already be in the place that I was giving birth. With Jentzen having a lightning fast birth, I wanted to be prepared for any scenario.

A couple of hours later I was exhausted and decided to lay down with a heating pad to get some relief. I soon drifted off and when I woke up my contractions were gone. Another false alarm (or so I thought). Chris usually isn’t home on Thursday nights, but he happened to be home on this one because he didn’t have to work that night (I can’t exactly remember why now though). I remember helping put the kids to bed and then immediately getting into the bath (this had become my nightly routine for the last month or so-thank you to the endless epsom salts!). I got comfy, reading a book, and realizing I hadn’t had dinner yet, I had Chris make me a frozen Donatos pizza. While it was cooking and I was reading in the bath, my contractions came back. I found this odd because I had my feet propped up and was in the exact opposite position I would be in if I wanted to put pressure on my cervix, but they came just the same, and this time with assurance that THIS WAS IT! By the time Chris came back with the pizza, I looked up at him and waved my hand, signaling that I was no longer hungry, and that I was indeed having a strong contraction. It was around 9:30pm. Labor had finally arrived!

I tried to continue reading as long as it continued to distract me, but I reached a point where the water was no longer warm enough and the book was no longer distracting enough. I got out of the bath and immediately had to use the bathroom, and then in the next 15 minutes I went to the bathroom about 5 more times. Yep this was it. I remember my body purging itself when I went into labor with Brinkley. I paced back and forth in the bathroom praying, praying to Jesus that He would help me through this and praying that it didn’t take too long. 

I had texted my birth team to be on call, and then about 20 minutes later I texted them back and told them all to head my way. I had Chris set up the room, getting the music going (my labor worship playlist), gathering supplies/towels, and clearing the space for the birth tub. I'm not sure how he was feeling on the inside, but he sure was calm on the outside! I got set up on the birth ball on the side of the bed and put the heating pad right in the spot where the contractions were hitting the hardest. With being in my own bedroom, good breathing, that heating pad, hip movement, and focusing on the worship music (ie-JESUS), and knowing I didn’t have to pack up and get into a moving vehicle, it was by far the most peaceful I have ever been during active labor. Time was flying by. By 11pm or so people started arriving (most of the people coming lived 45 minutes away). Louisa (my friend, Tru's Godmother, and acting doula) was first, and surprising myself we were able to chat with each other between contractions. Madi, our photographer, also arrived around the same time, although I honestly don’t remember seeing her until after the birth-I was in the zone. My mom came too (she was on kid duty, should any of our other three wake up). And of course, my wonderful midwife and her two sweet assistants arrived shortly as well. They began setting up the tub and she checked me to see whether or not they should begin filling up the tub. I was only a 6, so she suggested I move spots (I was still on the ball, it had become my safe place!). She set me up in the bathroom, on the toilet, with one leg propped up onto a stool. We moved the music into the bathroom, turned the lights down low, and Chris and Louisa joined me in there, alternating giving me counter pressure on my back. It only felt like I had been in there for 15 minutes or so, but I think I was in there for an hour or more. While in there, I shifted from active labor to transition (almost the end and the most intense part), and when my midwife came in and asked me to change positions again, my leg that had been on the stool was 100% asleep. It was the strangest feeling-it reminded me of having an epidural, except only in that leg. Chris and her had to carry me off of the toilet and back into the bedroom. It took awhile for the feeling to come completely back but it eventually did of course. So strange!

Now the contractions were very intense, but I was still able to breathe and focus on the worship music. I remember Louisa singing behind me. I also think I remember Chris making people lattes at some point…but to be fair, it was the middle of the night and I'm sure they were tired. That also might have been earlier in the evening, things get mixed up in my memory sometimes when I’m in the birth zone. I remember being at peace. I started making some noises with my contractions soon (this had definitely been my quietest labor ever and I did much better breathing than I ever had). I had been moaning a little through them on and off, but now I was gripping the blanket and pillows in front of me tightly to get through them. Thankfully though, I never once had the thought cross my mind that “I couldn’t do this.” I honestly think I could have gone a few more hours like that because of how peaceful my surroundings were. It was the most peaceful labor I’ve ever had. Thank you Jesus!

Side note, another thing that helped me get through this labor was having the honor of attending my friend Michaela’s labor and birth that previous fall. I was supposed to be her doula, and I was, but her lightning-fast labor landed me as her midwife as well, and I ended up delivering her baby in the back of her van on our way to the birth center. She was a beast. A Rockstar. A superhero. And while I was in labor, I just kept telling myself “Michaela did this in the back of a van with nothing but Jesus, I can certainly do this at home in my own bed with Jesus and every natural comfort measure available to me.” It eventually got shortened to, “Michaela did this in a van. I can do this.” I am forever indebted to her! 

At this point I started feeling pushy. I could feel my body involuntarily pushing at the peak of my contractions. I still hadn’t gotten in the tub, and was getting ready to, when my midwife checked me and told me I only had a lip of cervix left (classic-this has happened with all of my babies). She pushed it out of the way for me during my next contraction, but I don’t remember it hurting like it did with the last two. Some point soon after this while I was pushing standing up and leaned over onto my bed, my water broke. One of my big prayers this go round was that my water wouldn't break until I was pushing because I wanted the comfort of that cushion there during transition that I didn't have with Milo or Jentzen, and I was so thankful that God answered this prayer this way! Thankfully my midwife and her team were prepared and had already covered my floor with everything necessary to catch the mess. It was at this point that they asked me if I wanted to get in the tub. A water birth has been a dream of mine ever since I became a doula when Brinkley was a year old, before I got pregnant with Milo. But in the moment, my body knows I can get more leverage to push if I’m on land. I also think it has to do with the fact that I have giant babies. I could feel he was another big one while I had started to push, and my knees were shaking standing up, so I decided to forgo the tub and get onto the bed. That’s when I got really serious about pushing. Chris was on one side and Louisa on the other, and I knew he was almost here so I had asked my mom to run up and get Brinkley, who wanted to be there for the birth. We had thoroughly prepared her for what she would witness with descriptions, explanations, episodes of Call the Midwife, and Jentzen's birth video. I made sure this time not to scream my head off like I had with Jentzen (although Brinkley held her ears just in case). 

This time, pushing took about 20 minutes or so, more than Jentzen, but WAY less than Milo who was more or less the same size baby. While I was pushing Tru out, it was like he had a never-ending body. He didn’t get stuck like Milo had, but his body was so big that I had to keep actively pushing for each part, his head, more pushing, his shoulders, more pushing, his chest, more pushing, his booty, more pushing…it wasn’t until his legs that he finally finished sliding out on his own and my midwife caught him. It was so surreal that even when he was finally and officially born I kept asking if he was out yet (I was a little out of it as usual at that point). 

So, on Friday, April 30th, at 1:28am, Tru Solomon Heeter was born weighing a whopping 10 pounds, 11 ounces, and was 22 inches long. Just shy of his big brother Milo. And Brinkley Harvest herself got to cut the cord (after it was done pulsating of course)!

My midwife and her team were amazing! They cleaned everything up and made it look better than before! They took the time to show everybody the placenta, where it was attached and spread it all out and held it up. Brinkley (and Chris) were fascinated! It really is a miraculous thing! They also made sure I ate-Rudd Farm strawberries was my snack of choice and they were as delicious as ever! I also had some cold pizza leftover from four hours earlier. My mom put Brinkley back to bed around 5am or so (and she got up 2 hours later because she was still so excited), and at some point before all of that, Madi and Louisa had left. While Chris slept beside me, and Tru slept on top of me, I couldn’t sleep because of the awe I felt over everything that had just taken place. (Get ready for a post birth photo dump!)

Don’t tell my other children, as it wasn’t their fault at all of course, but this was by far my favorite birth. There’s just something extra special about having a baby in your own home, and for me, my own bed, that just couldn’t top anything else. It was so peaceful, and I honestly actually thoroughly enjoyed it. I even miss it. I was surrounded by an incredible team, family and friends, and above all, Jesus. 

Tru, you are a treasure, and I thank you and God for the honor of giving birth to you. 

(Thank you Madi for capturing the birth and Tru's newborn pics! They will be forever treasured!)