Anyways...read below to find out How God Gave Us Brinkley!
(This was written about a year and a half after Brinkley was born)
The journey and every God moment along the way...
I’d always known that one day I would want children. I’d
just always planned on it being in my 30’s, after my career of teaching had
taken off, and after Chris and I had had plenty of time alone and to ourselves
as a married couple, to travel, to decorate our house, and to do whatever else married
couples do without children. I’ve never been a baby fiend, wanting to hold
other people’s babies simply because, nor did I have any real interest in
pregnancy (for oh so many reasons), labor, delivery, nursing (something I
didn’t realize people still did), or newborns. Several of my friends were
starting to have children, so I would politely ask them how things were going
and inquire upon their adventures of motherhood, but it was something I
personally was saving for the future. That being said…God had other plans!
(Life before children...!)
To fully understand the entirety of this story, I have to
start at the very beginning of when God started speaking to me (but not
necessarily when I started to listen) about having children. Chris and I had
been married just over a year and I was doing everything I could to make sure I
did not get pregnant, but I struggled severely in the process. My goal was to
get the IUD so that I wouldn’t have to worry about taking a pill or using
anything else, it was my full-proof plan. But between multiple insurance
battles over coverage of the IUD, the continuously delayed timing of the IUD
placement due to insurance, doctor’s protocols and a possible pregnancy scare
(that we now believe was an early miscarriage), it took me FIVE months and a
LOT of physical pain (my body didn’t handle the procedure very well) to get the
IUD. Once it was finally placed, I had five months where I had a total of three
massive ovarian cyst ruptures that caused multiple trips to the doctor’s
office, a CAT scan, and so so so much pain. Between the five months of struggle
to get the IUD, and the five months of struggle while having it, my no hassle
no baby plan was not working out the way I had envisioned.
In between my first
and second ruptured cysts, something strange had started happening inside my
head, something I really did not enjoy, and that, quite frankly, irritated me.
My subconscious thoughts had been drifting to those of pregnancy and babies. It
was the weirdest thing. Never in my life had this happened, and yet it was
happening now. I would be going about my daily business and then I would
realize I was thinking about what it would be like to be pregnant or what it
would be like to have a baby. The second I would realize this, I would
immediately shake it off and change my thoughts to something else. Yet it kept
happening. It got so bad (it seemed to me) that I started praying to God to
take it away. I asked Him to take away these thoughts that I felt like I had no
control over, and instead, to replace them with something more productive and
practical. Unfortunately for me, He didn’t. Finally one day (about a month
later, and after my 2nd cyst rupture), I decided to tell Chris about
the battle that was taking place in my head. I had arrived home from work
earlier than him and was sitting on the couch. I sat there forever thinking
about how to explain it to him until he finally walked in the door and I was sitting
in the dark. He immediately knew something was up and came in to see what was
wrong. After about a half hour of stalling, I finally managed to get it out to
him. I nervously explained how I had been thinking about pregnancy and babies
against my own will and that although I had prayed for God to take the thoughts
away, that He hadn’t, and I was at a loss of what to do and needed his
spiritual guidance. He calmly listened and when he could tell I was finished,
he said three things. One, that he was relieved to know it wasn’t something
worse. Two, that he was glad I had opened up to him and that he would start
praying for God to reveal His purpose to me, because Chris was positive that
God was the one responsible for these thoughts. And three, that maybe God was
trying to tell me it was time to have a baby (the EXACT reason I had held off
telling Chris for so long, because I KNEW he would interpret the situation as
such and I did not want to go in that direction). He basically said that for
the next several weeks the two of us should be seeking God’s guidance in this
situation and should be listening and looking for God to speak to us as we
sought out His will for our lives and approached him in humility and prayer. So
we did just that. In fact, we started a little prayer list journal and made two
columns. One said “signs from God we should have a baby,” and the other one was
signs that we shouldn’t. And over the next few months, God spoke to us LOUD AND
CLEAR! I’d never heard God speak so clearly to me and had never seen Him give
me such irrefutable signs. Here are just a few things that happened over the
next few months…
Our close friends were expecting a baby in April. But one
day in early February, I got the text to start praying for their baby as our
friend had gone into labor early. Her son was delivered via C-section that
afternoon and the baby was now in the NICU with expected problems. I had heard
of things like this happening before. I had known other moms whose babies lived
in the NICU for the first several weeks of life, but this affected me
differently than I ever expected. My heart immediately broke as I began praying
and weeping for them and their little boy. We went to go visit them (something
I don’t prefer to do since new babies/mommies are almost always in hospitals, and I detest being in hospitals),
and seeing him covered in so many tubes just broke me. I had never felt a
burden like this for a baby before, and on a different note, I had never
volunteered to go to the hospital so quickly as I really dread being in them.
This was an emotional sign from the Lord that He was changing my heart and I
was moving closer to motherhood somehow. This experience got added to our “signs
from God” list.
The next week at school, I was doing carpool outside with my
kiddos at the end of the day. I was standing around and watching the mass of
students when one of my girls called me over to her. Out of nowhere she said,
“I think you should have a baby tomorrow, and I just had to tell you.” I was so
shocked that I didn’t know what to do. I smiled at her and said that it doesn’t
work like that as I walked away. I called Chris after work and we added it to
the list.
By this point, we had come up with a code word for this
whole situation. We weren’t ready to open up to anybody else about it yet since
it was such a private and fragile matter, so in order to talk about it when we
weren’t alone, we called it “Beet” (our abbreviation for Baby-Heeter). Chris
was at work the day after we had decided this, and a friend came up to him and
asked, “Hey-how do you spell the word beet?” Chris said, “Like a drum beat?”
and his friend said, “no, like the vegetable.” Chris called me and told me to
add this to our list.
Later that month, I was teaching a math lesson for my class.
Suddenly, a boy who almost never speaks up during a lesson raised a hand to ask
a question. And his question was, “Are you pregnant?” What?! I immediately
sucked in my stomach and replied, “no,” and moved on with my lesson. But in my
mind, I knew it was going to be added to our list.
Things had changed. I had gone from dreading the signs from
God that told us to have a baby, and instead, was pleasantly surprised by them.
God was changing my heart, slowly, but surely. Chris’ heart never needed to be
changed. He would have been fine if we had gotten pregnant (and not miscarried)
back in October. It had always been me who had wanted to wait for so long. And
after many signs, and prayers, and discussions later, Chris pointed out to me something that
we had never thought of before. Maybe everything that had happened since the
previous June was really God attempting to intervene and prevent me from going
through the awfulness of getting the IUD so we could have a baby. Nothing
positive had come from the IUD, only lots of pain. We thought back through each
and every moment since I started my IUD hunt and afterward. Every hurdle. Every
obstacle. Every painful circumstance. They got added to our list of signs that
God was pointing us toward parenthood long before thoughts of pregnancy had
ever entered my mind.
In March, I had my 3rd ruptured cyst. This time
when it happened, I knew exactly what it was. I had felt it before and knew
what to do. I was in the middle of a lesson in front of my class when my knees
buckled out from under me and I fell to the floor. I told the students to line
up, got a hold of my dean, and had them sent out to recess as I called Chris to
come and pick me up. Having done this twice before, I knew the routine, bed
rest, heating pads, and painkillers for three days. Thankfully it was a Friday
afternoon so this worked out well for my school schedule. On Monday morning I
made an appointment to see my doctor. When I arrived, I explained about all three
cysts and asked if there was anyway to stop them or prevent them. She explained
that there was no way to prevent them, and that she couldn’t be sure of the
exact cause of them, but that it was possible that my IUD was a suspect in the situation.
She said she could remove my IUD and the cysts may or may not continue, but
that the only way to stop the cysts for sure was to stop ovulating, and the
only way to do that was to…have. a. baby.
One day I was driving in my car and listening to worship
music. I was thinking and praying about our situation, and a song I had never
heard before came on. It was called “Come Away/Let Me In.” The song is sung as
if God is the one singing it. I was captivated by the lyrics as God sang to me,
“I have a plan for you, I have a plan for you, It’s gonna be wild, It’s gonna
be great, It’s gonna be full of me. Come away with Me…” My heart answered YES!
Chris and I went to a cookout at our friend’s house the next
weekend. It was getting warmer now, closer and closer to April, and we were
continuing to hear clearly from The Lord. At the cookout we looked around.
EVERY couple there, EXCEPT for us, had a baby-and they were all best friends of
ours. They were enjoying themselves. They were bonding. They were sharing with
us all of these great things about parenthood and they were truly loving being
parents. This is something I never really experienced growing up. I had always
gotten the impression that becoming a parent means you no longer had a life. It
meant that you were always tired, stressed, and upset, and that it often caused
lots of fighting between the parents. I saw that kids were expensive, time
consuming, and annoying, and that it would be best to hold off on that phase of
life for as long as possible. But seeing our close friends, our friends who
lived lives of integrity and true character, who followed God diligently and
parented with His word as their guide (something I’d never witnessed until
coming to our church, Daystar), gave me a whole new perspective. Parenthood
could be a good thing, it could be something enjoying and satisfying in a way
I’d never thought possible, it could be, well…great.
On our way home from the cookout, Chris pulled over on the
side of the road. He looked at me and said that God was screaming at us to have
a baby (more or less), and that we didn’t need anymore signs. It was time for
us to take a step of faith. It was time to remove the IUD. It was time to let
God do what He wanted to do in our lives. It was time to follow His will for us
with the faith that He knew best. And I agreed.
The next week, I scheduled the removal of the IUD. When we
got to the appointment, our doctor was surprised at our reasoning for getting
it removed since I had only had the IUD for six months (it’s good for five
years), but we prayed it could be a light in her faith walk with God. We told
her we felt like The Lord was telling us to start a family. She was happy for
us, but told us to wait a month before “trying” (basically to use a condom for
a month) because sometimes the IUD can thin the lining of the uterus and if you
become pregnant immediately it could end in a miscarriage. So we waited. One
month!
It just so happened that at the end of that month-long
waiting period, we were going down to Alabama for a retreat for our church. We
had been going through a small group curriculum called LIFE, and it was all
about learning to Live In Freedom Every day. Even though I knew God was calling
us to have a baby, and I had accepted that, I was still beyond freaked out and
nervous about how I would actually handle it. I hated doctor’s offices and
needles, and had a low tolerance for pain-not a good combination for a pregnant
woman. I didn’t want my body to change. I didn’t want to experience nausea or
heartburn or anything else that accompanied pregnancy, and finally, of course,
labor. At the retreat that weekend, people prayed over us in different areas of
our lives where the enemy had a foothold. One of the prayer sessions was on the
spirit of fear. Now, I knew God did not give us a spirit of fear, and that fear
came from the enemy. God tells us to fear not, and to trust in Him-but I was
still afraid to actually move forward with what He had told us to do. I was
still in bondage to these fears and couldn’t bring myself to be ok with it all.
During this session on fear, I walked up to receive prayer. I told the woman
what I had been dealing with, and that in a nutshell, even though God had told
my husband and I that it was time to have a baby, I was afraid to. I was afraid
to be pregnant and deliver a baby and that it was mostly the medical side at
this point that was holding me back. She immediately started praying over me.
The things she spoke into me and over me I can’t even remember, but I know that
The Holy Spirit was at work. She prayed for minutes and minutes and minutes and
as she was ending, I breathed in freedom and breathed out fear. A burden had
literally been lifted off of me and I felt the lightness and freedom of Christ;
Freedom not to be afraid anymore, freedom not to fear the bad, but instead,
faith to embrace the good and to lean on the Lord for everything. I walked away
READY for God to move in our lives by having us have a baby.
As we drove home from the retreat, I told Chris all about my
experience during the session on fear. He was thrilled for me. I knew this
didn’t mean that I would never tense up around a needle again, but I felt the
strength from God now, specifically in this area, that there was no need to
worry because He would get me through. Chris and I shared a lot with each other
about several amazing things that had happened to us during the various prayer
sessions, and fell asleep that night with God’s peace surrounding us in every way.
It was time to let go and let God. I wasn’t going to track
my cycle. I wasn’t going to get an ovulation testing kit. We were just going to
live our lives (birth control free), and when God was ready for us to get
pregnant, He would make it happen. So that next evening after the retreat, for
the first time, we were able to be intimate knowing the Spirit of God could be
at work, and that we weren’t preventing anything from happening.
I never got another period after that. One time was all it
took, and I was in utter disbelief as less than two weeks later, I was holding
a positive pregnancy test in my hand. This was God’s doing alright, and we had
never felt so confident that this baby in my tummy was meant for big things,
for God things, and we were honored to be his or her parents!
Pregnancy was a long
nine (ten?) months of morning sickness (afternoon and evening as well), itchy
skin, heartburn, leg cramps, bladder shrinkage, doctor’s appointments
(needles…), maternity clothes, baby showers, baby shopping, weight gain, and a
WHOLE lot of eating ( I gained almost double what my doctor said I
would/should…whoops!). It was your typical pregnancy, and I really wasn’t too
fond of it. I wish you could somehow get your baby, realize how much you love
them, and then go through the pregnancy for them! Despite all of that, I
sometimes miss it (having her so close to me all of the time), and truly did
love (a few) parts of pregnancy! Finding out that we were having a girl was
very exciting, and we had a blast picking out her first outfit. Also, naming
her was so much fun!
(Baby Bump!)
(Christmas Bump!)
We named her Brinkley Harvest. Brinkley came from an
assortment of places, but primarily, it is the last name of the pastor who
married Chris and I. Pastor Jason Brinkley did our pre-marital counseling and
guided us through the Christian dating process as we were pretty clueless
before we met him and came to Daystar. The name Brinkley means “field in a
forest,” a place of peace and light in the midst of dark chaos. We prayed this
meaning over our daughter in the womb daily and still do to this day. We pray
that people can come to her for refreshment and that through The Holy Spirit, she
would bring light and peace to their dark and chaotic lives. And Harvest is the
name of a worship leader that Chris enjoys. That’s where he got the idea, but I
latched on as the idea of the harvest is so prevalent in the bible and it will
always remind Brinkley that she reaps what she sows. There is so much power in
a name!
Fast forward to pregnancy week 36. I’m at my doctor’s office
and I have my first cervical exam. I’m 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. I was told
it was very possible I would have the baby early!
Week 37-the doctor now reports that I’m 2cm dilated and 50%
effaced. I was told I may not make it to my next appointment the following
week.
But I did. Week 38-I was now 3cm dilated and 75% effaced. I
was told “any day now” and “you won’t make it to your appointment next week.”
Wrong again. Week 39 comes along. I was now 4cm dilated and 90% effaced. More
false promising. Still no baby.
I wouldn’t have been nearly as anxious if they hadn’t kept
telling me that it would be any day and that I wouldn’t make it to my next
appointment before I went into labor. It was so frustrating. But….God’s timing
is perfect, right?
A few days later, we had a snow day. No school! Yay! This
meant I got to sleep in, be lazy, and relax all day. No work, no chores, no
nothing. I believe I took a shower in the afternoon and that was about the extent
of my activity for the day. Up until this point we had been trying EVERYTHING
to naturally induce labor. And you know exactly what all of those things are!
Apparently though, all my body really needed was a day where I just chilled out
and did nothing-because I went into labor that night!
Around 6pm, I started feeling crampy. My mom got excited and
told me it could be labor - but I knew not to get excited. I told her they
weren’t contractions because they were constant, no breaks, no peaks, no getting
closer together and more intense - just cramps. I sat on the couch with a
heating pad while Chris, my mom (she had driven up from Florida early to make sure she was here when Brinkley arrived), and I all relaxed and watched a Christian
comedy show. The cramps eventually subsided, but I had texted my doula, Meredith,
when they started, just to let her know what was going on. I texted her back
around 8 or 9pm and told her to relax and go to sleep because they were gone.
We started getting ready for bed, and as I laid down, I felt a cramp. But this
time it didn’t last very long, and it was a bit sharper than what I had been
feeling earlier. I continued to try to fall asleep, but the cramps started
coming about every ten or fifteen minutes. I texted Meredith back (now it was
closer to 10pm) and told her that she might need to be on call. As I described
what was happening she told me to start timing them with my contractions app
she had recommended I get. It finally occurred to me that I could be in labor!
And now that I had that in my head, there was no going back to sleep (even
though I probably should have). I was so ready to have Brinkley here, that with
each contraction I would praise Jesus through the whole thing and thank Him for
the contraction-one step closer to meeting my daughter! In between each contraction,
I would pray to God to keep them coming. I would pray that this was in fact
labor and that Brinkley was very much on her way. Chris was sleeping through
all of this, and so were my mom and my sister. I, on the other hand, kept
pacing the house. I paced our room, the living room, the bathroom, there was no
way I could fall asleep now! I went downstairs and sat on my birthing ball and
attempted to watch What to Expect When You’re Expecting - but halfway through I
was too excited that I was in labor that I turned it off and went back upstairs. I
never stopped timing the contractions, and they were getting closer and closer
together, and more and more intense. I woke Chris up and told him that this was
it, but that he could go back to sleep until it was time to go to the hospital.
So in his sleepiness, he asked me to wake him up fifteen minutes beforehand so
he could shower-and right back to sleep he went. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t
as excited as I was! But then again, he could feel absolutely nothing. Meredith
had stopped texting me back at this point, but I had told her to go to sleep
too and that I would call her when we were leaving for the hospital because I
didn’t think I would need her physical support until then. Back to the birthing
ball and pacing the house I went.
It didn’t take long for me to stop praying to God to bring
another contraction. Pretty soon I couldn’t even talk out loud during them. I
woke Chris up and told him it was time. I was no longer in the giddy mood, I
now was focusing on breathing because that was about all I could do. We called
the on-call nurse at my practice to let her know we would be heading to the
hospital within the hour and she could give them the heads up. She knew I was
ready when I had to stop talking to her for a minute at a time to get through a
contraction. Just like the textbook said, my contractions were now five minutes
(or less) apart, lasting at least one minute, and had been doing this for over
an hour. It was go time! Chris went to wake my mom and sister and they were
like kids on Christmas coming in to check on me. It was about 2:30am at this
point and we were getting ready to leave, but before we could I had a huge urge
to go to the bathroom. I’m not sure how much you’ve read about women in labor,
but at this point my body decided to purge everything inside of it from both
ends…not exactly what I had in mind as I’m about to hop in a car, but better at
home than in front of everyone at the hospital I thought.
We got in the car and Chris was speeding like crazy. I was
in so much pain in the car all I wanted him to do was to drive faster. Contractions in the car are the worst! He went
through two red lights (after making sure nobody was coming of course-and it
being 3am on a Thursday morning, the roads were pretty clear!) and came to a
stop in front of the drop off lane at Women’s Hospital. I slowly waddled inside
to check in, and Chris parked the car. They
promptly brought me back to a room to check me and to see if I was going to be
able to stay. Meredith got there at this point and I was so relieved. Once she
was with me in the check in room, her and Chris rarely left my side. They were
quite the team! The nurse checked me and hooked me up to an external fetal
monitor. I was definitely having contractions alright. And now I was 4.5cm and
still about 90% effaced. I was in active labor and good to stay! Right away
they wanted to get a saline lock in me, but I protested and requested a numbing
shot first so I wouldn’t feel the IV needle (a smaller, less painful needle to
avoid feeling the bigger one!). That was a lifesaver! I will do that every
time! Once that was in, they wheeled me back to my room and Chris and Meredith followed.
Once we were back there the nurse realized Meredith and Chris had never checked
in, so she took them out to get their badges. Suddenly, I was alone. I was in
labor. It was surreal. I took a moment (thankfully in between contractions) to
soak in everything that was happening. I was going to meet my daughter today!
The doctor came in and gave me permission to walk around, as
long as I came back to the bed to be monitored for twenty minutes every hour or
so. So we went on a walk around the hospital. We went to the waiting room to
see my mom, but on the way there the contractions suddenly felt worse. Meredith
was giving Chris and I different things to do during the contractions to help,
and she was giving me back massages during each one-amazing. We went to the
waiting room for a little while to see my mom (my sister was on a coffee run),
but we didn’t stay too long because the pain continued to get worse and worse.
Back in the room I got on the birthing ball to help with the contractions. My
goal for myself was to make it to 7cm before I requested my epidural (I had
planned on one since finding out I was pregnant). I hate needles, yes, but I
hate pain as well, and I knew this needle was going to bring me such sweet
relief!
It was now maybe 8 or 9 in the morning, and the nurse came
to check me. I was only at 5cm. So sad. I continued to labor but I just felt
worse and worse. It started to feel like the contractions were never giving me
a break. They would peak but then wouldn’t come back down before peaking again,
and now they were coming every two minutes or so and lasting so long. Meredith
kept trying to get me to move into different positions but I wasn’t being a
very good listener-I was in so much pain I didn’t want to move. I just couldn’t
get my body to relax. I was so tense and just wanted to curl into a ball and
cry (and I did).
Soon I reached a breaking point. I was on the bed, it was close
to 12pm, and they checked me once more, only to find out I was at 5.5 cm. I was
so disappointed. With the amount of pain I was in I expected to be much further
along. Like maybe 7cm…! As they were making suggestions that I get in the
shower/bathtub and labor for awhile, I remember crying on the inside (and on the outside too). At this point I wasn’t talking. I started to lose
it. Meredith and Chris got in my face to have me try and pull it together, but
I didn’t want to hear it, I just wanted it to be over…and then I remember
hearing Chris say to the nurse, “I think it’s time, can you please go ahead and
order the epidural for her.” I had never
loved him more! I was too afraid to ask because I didn’t want anyone to be
disappointed (primarily myself) that I didn’t make it to 7cm without pain meds,
but thankfully, nobody was. Meredith knew from the start I was getting an
epidural, and when I got one she told me how proud she was of me for making it
as far as I did and how I was doing such a good job! My heart smiled!
Once the epidural was in, it wasn’t working on one side so I
had to lay on the other side for awhile to even things out. Once that happened
and I could just relax and lay comfortably in the bed, I was so relieved! I
believe at that point I took a nap. It was so nice! When I woke up later the
doctor broke my water because I was only at 6cm and he wanted to see some more
progress. I was feeling pretty great at this point, and so I thought it was
time to try watching a movie to pass the time and relax.
About halfway through the movie I started feeling pain. Lots
of pain on my left side, down my leg, my uterus, and near the birth canal. The
nurse had just left so Chris took the liberty to turn me on my side so the
epidural could even out again. When she came back, we had her up the dosage
because I was now in as much pain as I was right before the epidural even
though I had the epidural. She decided to check me (even though they just had
45 minutes earlier and I was only at 6cm), and I was now at 9cm. Ouch. That’s
why I was in so much pain. She told me that she’d be back in less than an hour
to check me once more and that it would probably be time to push.
Push. That was very surreal. I had been in labor so long I
almost forgot what the ending was going to be. I started getting giddy and
nervous all at the same time. I was so close to meeting Brinkley!!!
When the nurse came back in and saw that I was at 10cm and
100% effaced, it was game time. I thought a swarm of people would come in, but
they didn’t. It was just the nurse, Chris, Meredith and I. I told them that
even though I may not have been a good patient when it came to needles and
pain, that I was going to be an amazing pusher-and I was! Each push they told
me how great I was doing and how I would be having her so soon! I remember the
nurse calling the doctor and telling him he better get in there. Then came the
swarm of people. By this time the pressure had really set in and I closed my
eyes so tightly. I was in so much pain via the pressure that I couldn’t keep my
eyes open. I remember wanting to push so badly and they wouldn’t let me
sometimes. It was so frustrating! But, the doctor walked in, and on the next push
he told me that if I could give him one more that that would be it! So I pushed
with all of my might, and at 7:18pm, along with a giant release of pressure,
there she came! Right onto my chest! My slimy, beautiful, long, baby girl. What
an incredible and amazing feeling. I’ll never forget it! Chris and I finally
had our baby girl and we were on a new parent high! Brinkley Harvest Heeter had
been born! There was no doubt in our minds that this is what God had in store
for us all along, and we were so glad that He did! His plans are ALWAYS so much
greater than ours could ever be!
(First family photo!)
Now that Brinkley is almost a year and a half old, so many
things in our lives have changed. Not just the fact that we now have a child
and are parents, but my passions and interests have changed as well. I went
from wanting to teach 1st grade forever and be a full time working
mom, to staying at home with my precious daughter and raise her 24/7. I went
from caring nothing about pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, and newborns to it literally
being my part time job. After learning so much (but not nearly enough) while I
was pregnant, and after having my daughter, it became so much more interesting
to me having gone through it all and now I wanted to know EVERYTHING! Anything
that had to do with pregnancy, labor, delivery, nursing, newborns…you name it!
It had suddenly become so fascinating, and I quickly realized just how little I
knew before having Brinkley. I think part of it was that I was happy enough
with what I knew and I was afraid to learn more because that might make things
more difficult for me, or change the things I had finally come to terms with. When
I was pregnant, I would have told you that I was very informed. I listened to
my doctor as I went to my regular appointments, read (and watched) “What to
Expect When You’re Expecting”, and went to my hospital birthing class. What
else was there to know? So much more…
I chose my doula because she was a friend of mine, and I
knew I’d need extra help with my intense fear of needles and hospitals. I’d
never even heard the term “doula” before she told me she was becoming one, but after
having my daughter, I loved hearing her birth stories. She was getting to teach
(I love teaching) pregnant women about what to expect during childbirth, the
different options they had when it came to their labor and delivery
(information I wish I had sought out/been open to with my first pregnancy), and
ultimately got to help them have the birth they wanted to have! This sounded
awesome. And so (albeit hesitantly at first), I started my journey of becoming
a doula. Doula, a word just two years ago I had never heard, would now become a
word I’d find myself explaining to others who had never heard it.
I can’t begin to explain the amount of information I learned
in the first few months of doula training. From books to videos to articles to classes
to workshops to actual births, my head was so filled with new information I was
exploding, and loving every minute of it. The more I learned the more passionate
I became and the more in love I fell. I was able to really fuse my passions for
teaching and all things childbirth into this new path in life and I adored it.
I have now attended several births of all kinds and it only fires
me up more. I’m thrilled with this unexpected turn in my life and am so excited
to see where it leads.
On that note, I am constantly thinking about and planning my
next pregnancy/childbirth. I know we’re not quite ready to dive in yet, but I
think about it every day. I know I’m going to do things differently the next
time around, knowing what I know now, and being a doula, I have the opportunity
to witness a variety of births to inspire me. I think about what I’ll eat and
drink during pregnancy, the different things I’ll want to do during early
labor, and at what point I’ll get into the tub (Yes that’s right, I’m planning
a waterbirth, maybe even at home!). I’m thinking about the snuggles I’ll get to
enjoy with that baby, the precious interaction between him/her and Brinkley,
and the sweet smell of his/her head during countless nursing sessions…sigh!
It’s amazing the thought and love I’m putting into this next pregnancy months
or even years before it will even occur, especially when you compare it with
the thoughts I was having the months and years leading up to my first
pregnancy. The differences in perspectives are uncanny, and I am amazed at this
incredible journey God has taken me on. From anti-pregnancy/babies, full time
teacher, to doula diva full time mommy, I couldn’t be more thrilled with this
plan God so clearly had for me! Praise You Lord, You are so good!
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